Well, it is that time of year again when a person either grits their teeth or thinks of high expectations that this year will be different than last year!
Where do you find yourself here in November 2025? I personally do not have enough fingers and toes to count on all the people I know who are looking for an escape route until January 1, 2026!
Let me put on my coaching hat for this month and try to move you back to neutral from a negative perspective. Are you willing to work with me here?
Look at this photo, is this what your table, or gatherings look like? What you might like to see instead. A person with unrealist expectations wishes the photo here.
If you and yours have unsettled feelings during any of our American Holidays, I might challenge you with this thought:
“What have you thrown aside in your celebrations?” Let me insert here what I hear from clients:
- It’s too far to travel.
- It’s too expensive in the current economic conditions.
- It’s not fun to sit for hours with negative people.
- Our family has gone WOKE.
- Our family is just too religious.
- I don’t know half of the people sitting at the table.
- I don’t like the food.
- No one respects my views.
- No one respects my choices.
- I’m a vegetarian/vegan and no cooks for me.
- Too much alcohol is served, and the event disintegrates into chaos.
- Too many divorces, step-kids, people with agendas I do not align with, and I go home feeling horrible!
And
“What have decided to now embrace?”
Let me insert here what I hear from clients:
- We will Facetime our family to protect us.
- We put distance between the negative and our own celebration.
- We do not want our children exposed to “xxxx” \
- We have decided to embrace “Freindsgiving.”
- We want to watch our programs and not be subjected to non-stop football.
- We like our neighbors and friends better than family.
- We like a specific “influencer” and follow what ever in popular this year for our celebrations.
I’m not dumb here, I have been polite with what I have heard from people of all ages, and I do mean all ages. What I hear and feel is this; Each of these comments and excuses [and they are excuses] is a person who has something in their past which has left a bad taste in their mouths and a hole deep inside them and these folks are desperately looking for something to fill that and regain some feeling of “okayness” [yes, that is not a real word but that is what they are searching for to fill the hole.
Here’s what I think and know happens [even though these folks will never admit it] – no matter what experience these people select, they go home after the event and still fill unfulfilled. As the host closes the door, there is a deep sigh of relief and a grabbing of their wine glass to fill and collapse on the couch.
What I believe and what I coach people who are struggling these last couple of months every year, is this: You create the environment you live in, celebrate in and work in. If you want a different experience, you must be willing to sit down, have a discussion that is calm, state those things that you do not like, what you do like, and more importantly what you are willing to change and that is in regard to your attitude, showing up at the event and how you can work with those who are hosting or how you can be more celebratory without being fake or pushing buttons.
As you just read this, did the hair stand up on the back of your neck, or did you begin the grind your teeth, or throw up your hand and delete?
Yep, I know what you mean, I’ve been in these same situations myself with my own family. It is tough and if you are like me, you feel a mild headache coming on!
We all live and work how we think. Sorry, that is just human nature. BUT you can create moments of respite in your life. How do we do this? Living a life of gratitude is one way. This suggestion may rub you the wrong way. It shouldn’t, because you have small things that happen every day that you can be grateful for. Like what you may be thinking? What about this:
What about having a job?
What about the fact you woke up this morning?
What about the fact that you had a bed to sleep in, a room over your head, and so on.
Most of us take small gifts of life for granted and try to create drama around people, places, events, politics, and cultural norms and changes to a level that puts us in one of those categories mentioned above.
I challenge you to press.
You might even clear your calendar one day this next weekend and think about what you want, want to experience, who to invite or not invite, and how you will handle those people and experiences that do not align with who you are and where you find yourself during these final holidays in 2025.
Remember whatever you choose is your choice. You do not have to worry about how others react to your boundaries. Your life is and has been built around what you believe.
If you do not like your current belief, then you make go through this process:
1.Write out what you believe about basically everything – yep, I know this will take you a long time. I suggest one belief per page on a composition notebook.
- Now on each page with your belief, now write the answer to this question: Where did my belief come from or where did my belief about this originate?
- Now it is your turn to create your own belief! Go back to each page of beliefs and answer this: “I can create my own belief about “X” – WHAT do I want to believe about “X”?
You now have an outline of how you may decide to live your life. Yes, this will take guts, this will take time, BUT you can do this. My next coaching around this process is this: You now have a framework to work with. Someone is going to challenge why you hold this new belief – are you ready with your response? If I were you, I’d begin to shore up my new belief with facts, not an influencer, not hearsay, not a news cast, not a talking head, but really dig in and find the answer.
IF
You find your new belief cannot be substantiated, you will want to start again with #1 – #3. I personally have had to do this many times in my own life and I think that is why I am so obsessed with this process, finding great colored pens and great notebooks to write in. That may sound trivial, but it keeps me focused on the process! What works for you may be entirely different. Do what works!
janice@janicebastanicoaching.com
8914 Collina Ct.
Granite Bay, CA 95746
908-229-3797
www.janicebastanicoaching.com
www.johnmaxwellgroup.com/janicebastani
