Recently I listened to a leadership segment on a podcast, and the discussion was around the two words you see up in the header of this blog – “Illusion vs Disillusion.” The discussion was intriguing to me in the way the speakers framed the topic. It was the perspective of the topic which struck me as one I had not considered before.
Let’s look at each word separately and see what you think.
What is an “Illusion?” My guess is you may think of an illusionist’s trick or pulling something out of a hat. Is that really an “Illusion?”
Well, but what about this: Let’s say you are about to give a presentation at a large industry conference. You’ve worked hard, your power point is amazing and colorful, and the equipment works flawlessly in the room. In your mind, what are you expecting to be at the reception you will receive after the presentation is over? Most folks are expecting a standing ovation, and even a rush to the back of the room to sign up for whatever it is that you are promoting, or even big inquiries about the product you present for your company, right?
This thinking is exactly what “ILLUSION” means. We go into an event, situation, sales pitch or something else and we desperately want a positive outcome. In our private lives the same “Illusion” exists. It’s Thanksgiving and you have spent weeks preparing the menu, shopping for groceries, cooking and backing and your house is inviting and warm; then the doorbell rings. You already know what I am going to say here because we have all experienced it. That’s “Illusion” and it also masquerades as “Perfectionism!”
Suddenly, the world around you crumbles, and you know you have just experienced “DISILLUSION!” You are not alone. Remember when it was Friday, and you knew there was a spelling test that morning? You studied and studied and one of your parents quizzed you and you knew how to spell all the words correctly? Then when the blank page was in front of you and with your pencil in hand, your mind went blank. It’s a simple example but you know but that old feeling comes right back again, doesn’t it?
So often in our professional lives and in our personal lives we go into a situation with the illusion that it will be fantastic and then disillusion sets in when our expectations are not rewarded. This is normal, my friend. We don’t always get the outcome we desire. However, we can adjust our expectations when we know we’ve done our best and we are prepared.
In this moment is when we know there is a “GAP” between our current knowledge and skill set and what the audience may have expected. This is not always true, and we need to understand the difference. You may ask, “What does that mean?” I didn’t always know the difference either for a long, long time, until I learned some things. Like the difference between: expectations, belief, illusion, disillusion, do I have the right material for the right audience, what is the expectation from the organization I am presenting to, am I trying to be a Mary or a Martha [a biblical example], are these “my people?” and so on.
As a mentor and coach, I often need to talk a client off the proverbial cliff of disappointment and ask them to take a deep breath and turn around and remind them they are looking at things with the wrong lens or perspective and recenter them and their perceived expectations. It’s never all or nothing, and that is how many people live their lives.
The other day, I was on a ZOOM call with a famous author who was speaking about this very subject and the author quoted another person and that sentence stopped me in my tracks.
Here is it: “When we perceive our “failures” it is like being stuck in concrete, if you don’t move on from whatever is bothering you, you will be stuck forever!” Imagine that! As I have thought about that sentence this past week, I know it to be true, because I have found myself stuck in concrete!
I will end with these tidbits of famous quotes from people who have found themselves in moments of “Disillusion” and moments of “Highs of climbing their Mt. Everest!?
John Wooden, the famous UCLA basketball coach said this:
“We always must make a choice. And in the end the choice makes us!”
John Maxwell, the #1 Leadership Coach and Best-Selling Author said this:
“Comparison is a road that leads to destruction and arrogance, will be the downfall.”
And this one:
“There is a gap between our Expectations and Disappointment and that gap is where “reality” resides!”
Where do you find yourself today?
