In this age of political correctness where even the most innocent of statements can cause a meltdown in the delicate area of personal relationships and in professional relations, I am wondering how you go about making any decision at all?
I have been one of those “pleasers” who doesn’t want anyone to be left out. I didn’t want anyone to not have what “I thought” that they wanted or needed or should experience due to my own lack of whatever. What happens when we go down this path? When your superior asks you to get these additional items done and it is 4:30 pm and there is about 3 hours of work there and you have a 6 year old waiting for you in daycare which closes at 6 pm, what do you do, which do you choose? You probably just say: “Ok, I’ll have it on your desk tomorrow morning first thing.” You throw everything into your brief case and head off to the daycare. You may think you have bought yourself some time, but actually you really haven’t. You get side tracked by other pressing things and before long it is 10 pm and the house is quiet and now you are thinking about going back to work again in your makeshift home office. Yes, the work is on your boss’s desk the next morning, but at what price?
You see over time and time is flying by us much faster than we realize, this chips away at us. What would happen if you let your: “Yes” be yes and your “No” be no? What do you mean, you may ask?
When we give an answer…let go of the result of your answer. What would have happened if you had told your boss; “..it’s 4 pm now, I will work on this until 5 pm and then I have to pick up my son at daycare. I will be in tomorrow morning to work on these items again at 8 am. By looking at this work, I can say I will have it completed by 11 am.” Then you look up at your boss. If the work is needed for something which is happening say at a 9:30 am meeting, then you will want to ask for additional help.
Now I realize we are just role playing here and you circumstances may be quite different, but the principle is the same. When we continue to engage the person in the conversation, we invite problems. You open the door to further discussion, and argument. You invite confusion, complication, indecision, double mindedness and condemnation.
This is how a life lived in “fear” begins. This is where a saboteur, negative tape playing, and head trash begins. We live in fear of not pleasing someone, disappointing them or the fear of being wrong. Our self doubts torments us. This thinking and decision making cycle robs us of “joy”.
Zig Ziglar the famous sales and motivational speaker calls this type of thing a : “…wandering generality”. You want to be what Zip calls a: “…meaningful specific”!