The Torment Within

I am going to confess something here today.

“I have inner turmoil.” 

“So what you say, doesn’t everyone?” 

Yes, I suppose we all have inner struggles which from time to time rear their ugly heads and cause us to forget everything that is going on around us. 

Let’s look at this from a different perspective for a moment.   When you look in the mirror (and I seldom do this for fear of what I will really see!) who stares back at you?  You know the sayings:   “Young at heart.” or “His mind is as sharp as ever, but he is trapped in this….body…” or  “I still feel like the girl I was when I was in college.”   So who is looking back at you?  An anorexic person, despite their frail appearance still sees a “fat” person.  What do you see?  Are you looking to “control” some aspect of your life and it is like an angry surf which beats you to the sandy shore daily?  Or perhaps it squirms away from you like a toddler who refuses to sit still.

Yesterday, this inner turmoil, actually got the best of me and I can honestly say that except for when I was asleep, this turmoil was on my mind all 18 hours that I was vertical.  At the end of the day, I was exhausted from this whole thing and still even with all of us (me, myself, I, the torturing tormentor, and my logical self), crowded in there (meaning my mind) I was still fixated on the thing that is the bane of my existence.

Do you have days like this?

None of us has it all together.  So we are all in good company. 

What keeps you distracted all day?    I would really like to know.

What have you found that actually works to move you away from the “fixation”?  (And I am not talking about drugs, alcohol, sex or retail therapy.   Those are false escapes, because when you come down or out of the stupor, the fixation is still there.)

Today, as I write this, the sun is shinning in on my being, the world outside my window is a sparkling winter white and below zero.  Inside, here I sit in a whirlpool of discontent wondering why I can’t shake this thorn inside of me. 

So I will ask again:

Do you ever have days like this?

What keeps you distracted?

What ends that distraction?



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