I am a personal growth and leadership coach and as such I put a great deal of emphasis on process with my clients. When a client works with me we use a process over a specific length of time to get them to whatever it is that they wish to achieve. This process is segmented and is measured and is paced out.
Process gives a person time to understand what is happening and to make changes, to make choices, adjust, tweak if necessary and to course correct. Process gives a person the flexibility to become comfortable to this newness which is becoming their new normal. It takes more than just a new mindset to change a person. Change does not come strictly from the outside of us. Sometimes change may be forced upon us from the outside. Say for instance if you are speeding down the road and you are pulled over, you will change due to an outside force, the patrol officer. When we choose to change on our own, however, this is an inside job.
The first step in this process is the awareness that we need to change something. Many do not understand this until the “pain” is so great they literally have to change or die. You may know this as hitting “rock bottom”. For some this is the only way they know how to change. It is actually their preferred habit, not rock bottom. They are not much different from a two year old throwing a tantrum and they are down there on the floor kicking and screaming looking for attention.
When we are aware of what is going on, really going on around us in every area of our lives and we can see how being out of order, out of balance, paying to much attention in one area and not enough in another is causing trouble, we know something has to change. We are all guilt of this. We get so busy usually in our professional lives, we simply get so wrapped up in the completion of a project or a deadline or making our numbers we simply let everything else go and we become blinded. Special days pass, weekends pass, laundry goes undone, food spoils in the frig, we drink too much, we grab and go when we eat, we sleep with our phone and laptop in bed with us, we shower and run out the door and forget to even look our partner in the eye. It doesn’t take long for a relationship to turn sour with that kind of attention.
Believe it on not…what I just described is a “process”. It isn’t a very good process, but it is a learned process. It is a learned process of “existing” to what end? What is the “end” here? When is the “end”? What is the date here? Do you see the problem with this type of life? There is no end in sight. That’s the problem.
How long do you think that person who is waiting at home, is going to wait? How long?
How long do you think this person’s body will withstand this kind of stress of poor eating, sleeping and no down time? How long before it breaks?
Does this sound like “rock bottom” to you? Probably not, is my guess, but it is coming, and sooner than you think.
What would you do to wake this person up?
What would you do if you were the person waiting at home or in this one way relationship?