“I Don’t Know Who You Want Me To Be” from Confused in the heartland…..

Sunday is Father’s Day.  This notification either puts a very bad taste in your mouth and hatred or it brings a softening and tears to you as the child.  Every single one of us has 1 father and 1 mother whether or not they were involved in our lives or not.

During the Feminist movement in the 60′ and 70’s women wanted more power, to be recognized and paid as equals to men.  So, MEN stood back at the tongue lashing, media whipping, protesting public of the cries from women who were looking for equality in every aspect of their professional lives and in their personal live.  “men” obeyed and got in touch with their feminine side. “men” didn’t know who to be:  “…Should I pattern myself after JOHN WAYNE or John Travolta?”  The generation before had modeled themselves after strong hero types like Dwight Eisenhower, John Kennedy, John Glenn and leaders of the day.

During the 1980’s “MEN” and “WOMEN” became obsessed with the “me mentality” of gaining power and money and position and it was dog eat dog out there fighting in the corporate trenches.  Men were still confused as to what their role was and there was no one to be a role model for them in the personal side of life and those in the public eye who were in the headlines were seedy at best.

During the 1990’s and through today our society has been turned on its head with who to model themselves after.  Today a little boy wants to be a “Ball Player” or “Actor” who is on the TV, on the media gossip shows, has his own reality show, shows up on You Tube and Award shows with a beautiful woman with little clothing on draped all over him. We have young men who are quitting college and joining the professional sports leagues making in excess of $ millions of dollars at age 23 and they have never handled more than $100.00 at any one time in their lives. (believe me I know, I used to live next door to one of these many, many years ago!) That’s not a role model.  That is failure glistening in that little boys eyes!

The statistics are horrific about boys with out fathers growing up.  70% of Black young men grow up in homes with no father at all.  40% of White young men grow up with no consistent male father role model in the home today in 2010!  The numbers of those young men who fall into adulthood with the tag of “alcoholic, drug user, homeless, incarcerated, HIV positive, and homeless” brings a “mother” to tears.  As you sit there and hold your little boy and you fit into theses two categories look at that precious child and try on those word labels to see how they look on those chubby cheeks!

Women are looking desperately for “RELATIONSHIP”!    Record numbers are on line looking for love.   Well ladies, you dumped;  love and manhood, and strength, fatherhood and role models and someone to love you back in the 60’s and 70’s for something that you thought would be infinitely better!

As Dr. Phil says:   “….so,…how’s that working for you?…..”

The answer does not have to be spoken.  Just look around you and your life.

Rebelling against something in a drastic way often brings the opposite results.  If you will just do even a small bit of research you will see that although there have been small gains, there is still a long way to go.  What we as women receive instead was several generations of broken families, children who don’t know any boundaries at all, a nation where more than 50% of the population is on welfare or receiving some kind of public assistance, jails that are so full criminals are being release due to over crowding, a large number (almost 40%) of high school kids aren’t even graduating! and the numbers get worse.

Those things fall right at the feet of you and me.  We cannot look to someone else to solve the problem.  The US Government cannot PAY anything, because it has no money in its checking account, they are overdrawn and to top it all off the number of those who are in business and make the money and come up with the new innovations that drive an economy forward in order to make the “DEPOSITS” in to the US Government’s checking account are employed.  They are sitting there on the street uneducated and not working and getting into trouble.

So what is it that you (The Woman) are looking for in your marriage?

What is it that you want (really) from your Spouse?

Who is currently filling that “Male Role Model” in the lives of your sons and your daughters?

I suggest that we all take off these “worship wrong prescription” glasses that we currently have on and look closer at what OUR CHOICES have given us.

Those choices freely chosen have not resulted in the life that we were hoping for, wishing for or dreaming for.