Do you remember back in January some 130+ days ago, you set out with your calendar and a notebook ready to plan out the year? My guess is that day is only a vague memory now. Life happens. Work Happens. We all go through these seasons in life when our world is turned upside down and we look at the items on our calendar and think, what happened here?
Let me ask another question, which may be more relevant: Where do you feel stuck? Where do you feel stuck in your personal life? Where do you feel stuck in your professional life?
“Janice, please reframe what you mean by being stuck in my life, so I can better understand the question.”
WOW! Now that’s a great conversation starter, my friend. I would be happy to reframe this idea of “being stuck” in life. Let’s begin.
Each of us has a personal framework from which we work. You may not see the framework, so I will give you an example of a simple one, and you can make it your own by adding to or taking away those areas of your life in the framework which do not apply to you. [For example: Parenting Area, if you have no children, then you can delete that area of life.] You might want to consider the following areas in your life and ask yourself, “Am I stuck in this area of my life?” Home Environment – “Am I stuck here?” Serving/Giving Back to others – “Am I stuck here?” Family/Parenting – “Am I stuck here?” Finances -“Am I stuck here?” Personal Safety – “Am I stuck here?” Growth Opportunities – [Spiritual/Personal/ or Professional] – “Am I stuck here?” Self-Care – “Am I stuck here?” FUN! – “Am I stuck here?” Relationships [Intimate, Personal, Social, or Professional] “Am I stuck here?” Health/Wellness/Aging – “Am I stuck here?” Spiritual Life – “Am I stuck here?” Professional Life/Work/Career – “Am I stuck here?”
Let’s define what the word STUCK might mean to you.
- Season [basically 4 months] of “Uncertainty.”
- “Overwhelm”
- “Financial Crisis”
- “Failed Relationship”
- “Lack of Resources”
- “Season of Sorrow”
- “Season of Loss”
- “Unexpected Health Issues”
- “Strife in one or more areas of your life”
- “Lack of Joy”
- “Lack of Peace”
- “Sleepless Nights”
- “Insecurity”
- “Lack of Purpose”
- “Lack of Direction”
- “Feeling Empty Inside”
- “Poor Living Conditions”
- “Living Paycheck to Paycheck”
- “Questioning Everything”
- “Digital Dementia”
- “Caught in a Cycle of Destruction”
- “Addiction to a Specific Stimulant”
- “Feeling of Not Measuring Up”
- “No Connections to others”
- “Selfishness”
- “Unhealthy Appetite for something/someone”
- “Feelings of Doom and Gloom about Life”
This list could go on for several more pages. If you have a different item pulling you away from living a great, joyful life, please write it in your notebook. Let’s stop here for a moment. Take out your notebook and write one of the life areas mentioned above, and write out the question and answer it. Use one life area per page. Go back now and answer the question: where specifically do you feel stuck? You can use the prompts bulleted above. Now look at your calendar day by day and see if you can find the day you got off track and what happened to disrupt your “2025 Plans.” Here’s an example: You had a vacation planned to visit family on the other side of the US. While en route, you got a text that your mother has had a heart attack, and you are needed immediately in a different state. Your plans immediately change. Phone calls, texts, air travel changes, hotel cancellations, new next steps flood your mind, and so on. This kind of thing happens thousands of times a day for millions of people. The pivot here is critical, and that comes down to the way you handle life. Do you fall apart? Do you reach for a drink? Do you pray? What do you do?
What I am talking about here is how you handle everyday life. All areas of your life. This isn’t so much a STUCK way of life, it is more a FOUNDATIONAL WAY OF LIVING, and WORKING. When I work with clients, I will begin with a couple of fundamental questions about what they perceive is the challenge before them. Let’s take, for example, “I feel STUCK in my professional life.”
Coach: What would you like to work on today?
Client: “I feel stuck in my professional life.”
Coach: “Where exactly in your professional life do you feel stuck – be more specific?”
Client: “I feel I cannot complete my daily assignments, I get behind, and I do not meet the deadlines set for my assignments, which in turn makes me look bad in front of my co-workers and boss.”
Coach: “Do you believe that statement is a true one? Give me an example, please.”
Client: “Well, I get to work and I have a “plan’ for what I need to complete that day. For a short time, I am really killing it, and then I am interrupted by someone wanting something from me that is not on my “plan” for that day. I stop and then after a period of time, I am off my schedule and it is then time for the next thing [say a meeting].”
Coach: That sounds like a pretty typical day in the life of every working man and woman. What boundaries do you have in place to stop these interruptions?
Client: “I guess I don’t have a boundary. I am told I am a people pleaser, and I fix problems, so I get interrupted many times a day.”
Coach: Let’s explore that for a moment. What might a boundary “ideally” look or sound like to you, if you were brave enough to speak it out loud?
Client: “Dare to dream!”
Coach: No, I want you to “dream” – If you were not going to just smile, say yes, and I’ll get right on that – what could you say, to let the other person know, they are completely capable of solving their own issue?
Client: “If I say what I am “agitated” about, I might lose it! I get triggered when asked to do something outside my job description just to help out someone else.”
Coach: Okay, you have a “trigger” when asked to do something outside of your job description. Being a “fixer” isn’t a bad thing, but you can get sucked into wasting a lot of your work time. What if you gave specific instructions about how the triggering person could help fix the issue themselves? Or what if you were polite and just said: I am working on another project with a deadline, and I need to finish this before I tackle another issue?
Client: “Interesting, that kind of statement takes guts! I don’t want to let my peers down when I know I can help them.”
Coach: Who are you really letting down in this scenario?
Client: “I guess myself. My boss. And my team.”
Coach: That is correct. Where is your first priority?
Client: “My job, myself, my team, and my boss.”
When you are having one of these heart-to-heart conversations with yourself about each area of your life where you feel stuck, you can do what I just laid out for you. The questions look like this:
STUCK AREA OF MY LIFE – What do I believe about that?
Where did my belief about what I believe come from?
Is my belief true?
I want to change my belief about this area of my life where I am stuck.
My new belief is this:
My mentor once told me this: “Janice, you only get the answers to the questions you ask!” WOW! That hit me over the head like a hammer!
This kind of deep inquiry within your life both personally and professionally, takes time. So start with the one that hurts the most. Make a new plan just for that segment of your life and then work that plan. Once you have that in your life’s routine, move on to the next one.
There are lots of people/mentors/coaches and faith people who can help you. Reach out. What you are going through is NORMAL. Most people try to hide their challenges and give the appearance of a “Lovely, Happy, Successful Life,” and I know there are cracks in the façade they present to the world.
Chin up, my friend, keep moving forward. Tomorrow is a brand new day!
If you are looking for a mentor or coach to help you with your microphone, send me an email, and we can discuss the effective use of that microphone in your hands!
janice@janicebastanicoaching.com
8914 Collina Ct.
Granite Bay, CA 95746
908-229-3797
www.janicebastanicoaching.com
www.johnmaxwellgroup.com/janicebastani
