How To Say “NO”

There are certain times in the year and in our lives when our use of the word “NO” can be are very best friend.   Think back over the last month and how many times you said “YES” when you really wanted to say “NO”.  What stopped you from answering the way you really wanted to? 

My experience is that when answer in the exact opposite of what I want to do; what it means is:

a)  I don’t want to disappoint someone

b)  I slip back into “child” mode

c)  I just do not want to argue about my decision not to do whatever it is

d)  I feel guilty about something

e)  I want to be excepted

When you really do not want to do something, it is important that you do explain honestly about what you do not want to do.  If it is a matter of timing, then suggest a time in the future when you have a time block available.  If you are feeling guilty about your “NO” then send an apology of some kind, but always hold your time and honor your own commitments that are already in place. 

Over the past month, how many times did you fall into each of these  categories? 

This represents a habit that you have.

Over the past month, how many of these times  were with the same person?

That’s another pattern.  This person could also be a trigger for you.

What do you think?

All of these things are areas where you may want to do some work on saying “no” but, in a way that doesn’t compromise yourself and your relationship with that person.  As you withdraw from constantly saying “”YES” that person will find someone else who will say Yes.  I am feeling push back here.  Go ahead just try this experiment over the next several weeks and see what happens.

If I am wrong….I would like to know what did happen.

If I am right……You have full permission to engage in “NO” whenever it does not add value to your life and those you love and care for.