Let me ask you a question: This morning you most likely made several decision before noon. Right?! So did you stop to think how your decisions might dishonor anyone around you? Stay with me here for a moment. We all make decisions all day long, and I doubt we take the seconds it takes to really stop and think that are decisions big and small actually have impact on those around us. We can either HONOR or DISHONOR those around us with our remarks, and behaviors.
When we are in a conversation with say a teen or a spouse and they say something or request a service of us in our role as mom or spouse and we do not particularly like the tone, the message, or request, how do you normally respond? There are a couple of ways to respond. Say nothing and walk away. What message does this send to the person who is receiving.? “Hey, I didn’t say anything….how does that send a message?” Well, I’m glad you asked. What you are saying is: I do not value you enough to even honor your question, request or message with a response. Listen, it is about taking the high road here.
Let’s say the shoe is on the other foot and you are the one requesting something really important like: “…I need someone to drive me to and from the doctor next Thursday when I have my colonoscopy…whose free?” Your question gets the following responses from your loved ones: ….person doesn’t answer and just shrugs the shoulders, the other says I’ve got an appointment and I can’t help you,. or ..I’m on a business trip out of town….”. OK what is the message that is being given…? You are right: They don’t HONOR me or my health enough to give me a right home after an important procedure where I will still have residual anesthesia in my system. Do you now have an idea of how this dishonor erodes you and yours daily?
There are lots of times when we just go about our daily lives and toss around responses and non-verbal acts and even acts which are done in secret that violate the unwritten code of Honor. What we are seeing and have seen for some 60 years now is a total erosion of what Honoring another person is. We are also witnesses to the dishonor of our relationships, our language, our commitments, our vows (public and private) along with honoring all of our “personal gates”.
I know that this one is new to you: “Personal Gates”. Honoring and protecting your personal gates. What is a personal gate? Every single minute of every single day we are literally attacked by things in the form of waves of sound, visual energy, and physical energy. Think about this again very seriously. When you first are awakened in the morning, what is it that gets your attention to wake up? Sound right? Jarring Sound. If you have had a big stressor on you when you went to bed, your subconscious worked on it all night long (hence you got no restorative rest) and you awoke before the alarm clock went off due to an over active brain all night. Did you turn on the radio, TV, plug your ipod into your ears or turn on the computer? That is stimuli which is going directly into your “gates”.
Have you figured out what a gate is yet? Gates are all the entry points into your body, into your very being, your soul. See how many you can list on your own here. Some are very obvious others are not so obvious.
When we have too much input into all of these gates, values such as HONOR are swept away out of our conscientiousness and are soon forgotten. You know it is about erosion on a very small scale. It is just the little things that eat away at us. Little by little and bit by bit, until something offends us in a big way and we suddenly look around and it is the norm.
You can put HONOR back into your life. One simple response at a time. Here are some things you can do today:
*Turn and look at the person who is speaking to you. (this acknowledges their physical presence and tells them you are listening) This Honors the speaker.
*Thoughtfully give an HONORING answer to the request which is made of you, even if you are unable to complete it in the manner requested.This Honors the person making the request.
*Say Thank you even for the smallest thing, it will build over time. This act Honors those who receive it.
*Keep your commitments and appointments (if you cannot, let the other party know immediately and reschedule) This Honors the other person.
*Say “NO” at least once today when you are asked to do something that will take time away from your own loved ones. Doing this you HONOR them and your time with them.
*Turn off the TV, car radio, or ipod and really listen to what is going on around you and notice how these sounds lift you up or bring you down. This is Honoring you.
Building back HONOR in each of our lives is not hard or even an inconvenient thing to do. What is does do is builds back those small erosions which have been chipped away over time. Your life will change and the lives of those you interact with will also begin to change.