Have you ever said: “…I cannot think about this now….”, or “…..I do not have enough information to make a decision at this time….” or maybe, “….I’m just not ready to do that now…..”? All of these are the responses of a person who is in the midst of a personal crisis. The mere thought of making a decision would mean “taking responsibility” for the decision once it is made and they will not take responsibility.
If you are on the other side of this decision, this can be maddening! You may ask yourself, “…how can a this person not see, that not making this decision is hurting others and will cause so much more turmoil and extra work for everyone else if they do not make a decision now?……”
It is my observation in my work as a coach that this behavior is a sign of something much deeper in play.
What this is, is a person who was never given the chance to make decisions growing up and then suffering the consequences of those decisions; good and bad. Every decision has a consequence. When we do not model and teach young people how to evaluate and make decisions we do a huge disservice to them. We are crippling them for life.
Giving a person the “responsibility” which is age appropriate is a huge ego booster, and over time when it is repeated in a safe environment a person will naturally grow and mature, and thus be able to learn how to make bigger decisions.
Do you remember the first time you were put on a very small plastic slide? Your parent held on to you with both hands and smiled and said: “wheeee!”. You were probably terrified, but as you were put on the slide day after day, you began to trust and to enjoy the short ride to the carpet. As you grew up and graduated to preschool with a bigger slide, and then to elementary school with several slides of different heights you may have felt a twinge in your stomach of fear, but that was soon gone and you lined up in the cue to take your turn for a few seconds of fun.
You can decide to get in the cue to have some fun or you can cower in the corner and now even go on the playground. There will be times when the slide is hot from the sun, yes, there will be times when you go down to fast and skin your knees, and if you’re really brave you slide down on your tummy and bite the dust and wear your badge of honor bravely, even though it hurts a little. Will you be scared for life – no? You will heal and think about all your options the next time.
What do you need to decide today?