I confess recently to be namedropping on the people that I come into contact each day and I have noticed lots of chatter around their relationship with the person with whom they share their personal lives. Here’s what I am hearing the gist of:
“I can’t believe he/she said…….”
“I don’t know how to……..”
“What does that mean…….”
“I just don’t get women/men…….”
Then in rebuttal from the listening ear who is usually trapped (due to being in the same work environment) I have heard:
“You can never win…….”
“Don’t you know that men/women………”
“They never tell you what they really mean about………”
“Here’s what I do when………”
Well meaning or just shooting the breeze or truly empathetic and trying to help?
Actually it is none of the above and here’s why: A relationship requires each person in the relationship to bring 100% to the table every time. Every Time!
Any less and you are not giving your all to the relationship.
Relationships are not 50 – 50. Who gets the other 50? That is a relationship divided.
Let’s look at this another way if you can’t quite see how this 100% works. Let’s say that you have a 50 – 50 relationship with your utility company. You expect electricity 100% of the time right? So you decide that they are giving you the 100% service that you think they should provide so you pay 50% of you bill. What happens? Here’s another example; you go out to movie and you pay full price for your ticket and the theater stops the movie half way due to a rise in their costs and they don’t tell you. What happens when you fall in love and get married and the other person wants to have 50% of their time with someone else? What happens when on of you spends 80 hours a week at the office and the other is at home those additional 40 hours?
Relationship and commitment must be discussed. If both parties do not have the same expectations from the other then the relationship is doomed. This is true in your personal life and your professional life. We all know someone in both areas of these two areas of our lives who have sucked the life right out of us and we don’t want any relationship with the other person.
What would happen if you set aside some time with your partner and discussed how you each can bring 100% to the table and set aside time to grow that relationship with your calendars in hand for this entire year?